Tuesday, 28 December 2010

In a way, I'm lucky

Writing about my infertility makes me feel like a bit of a fraud. Don't get me wrong, I cannot conceive 'naturally.' I will need extensive, expensive treatment to get even close to being pregnant. However, there are also so many other stories that are much longer and more painful than mine. There are couples out there who have been through more loss and frustration that I would ever be able to cope with.

In a way, I'm lucky. I did have two years of 'trying,' but not really. We weren't 'actively trying,' we were just letting nature take its course. There was no charting or temperature taking, no drugs or blood tests. But nature did not take us anywhere and after two years we both knew that there was a problem.

My ectopic pregnancy and subsequent surgery was a horrible experience and I'm not trying to downplay it. It also all took place in a foreign language which I was far from proficient in.

But, the experience cut down the investigation period of my infertility from what would have been months at best, years at worst, to about an hour. During the surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy, the specialist recognised scarring and they did a lap and dye right then, rather than postponing it and recommending it later.

The recovery from the surgery sucked. I had not only lost a baby, but also lost hope of a future baby. The options for blocked fallopian tubes are grim. It's IVF. There is surgery to try to repair blocked tubes, but when we had our consultation with the fertility specialist in Spain, all he mentioned was IVF. I wonder whether the Korean doctor we'll see on Thursday will say anything different.

But we know. We know what we need to do. There is no mystery, less frustration. While I still have to go through IVF, I will hopefully be starting it at 31, rather than in another two or three years time after a battery of other options has failed.

I feel lucky about all this. I know the odds suck, but there is still a chance.


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