It's something I want above nearly everything. It's something I've wanted since I finished uni and started working. I remember my mother telling me that she would have had a baby as soon as my father and she married, when she was 21. My father wanted to wait until they had more money, and so they did, until she was 28, when they had my brother. When she told me this I was surprised - why would you wait for something like that?
I'm 30 now, which by most standards these days is in no way old to have a first child. When we lost our pregnancy last year, people who knew about the loss but not about the finer details of the situation said, to a person: you're still young, you have plenty of time.
Which I do, I know, but it has been so long not getting a bfp that I cannot imagine what it's like to be pregnant, to be carrying a baby. Last night I was crying because I accidentally logged into my husband's facebook profile and saw one of his friend bitching about not being able to drink because, predictably, she's pregnant. Out of self preservation these days I usually 'hide' pregnant people who post too many status updates, but in this case I saw it before I realised what I was seeing.
I worry ridiculously that, because I can't imagine it, I can't get pregnant.
It's CD1 - on Monday I'm going for my first pre-IVF blood test.