Monday, 14 February 2011

No, no, no, no, no.

Five minutes ago I just voluntarily went to look at the Bug.aboo website. I did not stumble on it through a link. I actually typed the address in and went there of my own free will. The whole time I was screaming at myself 'what are you doing?'

I have been super strict with myself for a long time. I have not allowed myself to look at pregnancy week-by-weeks or any baby stuff for nearly a year.

Hope is a dangerous thing.

2 comments:

China Doll said...

Maybe we should allot ourselves 'dream-time'... a period of time each day/week/month (delete as appropriate) to do all the hopeful daydreaming (and surfing) that we'd be doing if we didn't have to go through this crap... I sometimes find myself doing it (imagining myself pregnant/imagining my bloke holding our baby etc) and then feel stupid and guilty... but then get angry that I feel guilty about it because why shouldn't we dream of all that stuff, including fancy pushchairs ;) ?!

Kat said...

I think we should sometimes dream about it - 'normal' women do, so why can't we? I think I just have a fear that if I start to do it too much it will make the whole thing feel worse.

When we first started ttc, when I still believed that you got pregnant just from not using birth control, I started looking. Then I stopped because nothing had happened. Then when I was pregnant, before I knew it was ectopic, I was looking then as well. When we knew what was really happening it was almost worse because the day before I had dragged my husband to look at Bug.aboo pushchairs in a department store (what is it with me and Bug.aboo?)