Friday, 18 March 2011

Gloomy Friday

Today has barely started and I feel really down. I hate this stupid IF roller coaster. Last night I felt fine, my husband and I went out for dinner and didn't talk about babies or infertility at all (sometimes it feel like its all we talk about) but this morning I feel so down its ridiculous.

Today is my day off this week (I don't work M-F like normal people!) and I was really looking forward to the day and just having some time to maybe go shopping. I've been wanting to buy a sewing machine for months, and I worked loads of overtime so far this year so I have money, but now it comes to it I don't feel like it.

I'd forgotten how stressful trying to conceive is. Since the ectopic last year we've been on a break, and to be honest our sex life has been close to non-existent, as I've been feeling 'what's the point' and my husband I think has been terrified that we'd have another ectopic. But after getting possibly good news at the HSG we thought we'd give it a try this month.

I'm now 7dpo, which I know is still several days too early to test, but I have already tested yesterday and today. Both BFN of course. I really shouldn't have hpts in the house (internet cheapies, and I only have 1 left).

The money side of things is stressing me a little as well. So far things have been manageable, but now we're heading into IUI/IVF territory I'm getting more worried.

I'm also symptom spotting like crazy - which is also completely stupid as there would be none showing up at this point anyway. But I'm not sleeping because of the stress so I'm tired all the time, and I have to keep telling myself that the tiredness is not pregnancy.

Also, last night I ate a giant steak, buffalo riblets, a chocolate brownie ice cream thing and a few glasses of wine. I feel like a pig and I look fat this morning.


Jenni said...

I llok at your last paragraph and I can tell how down you are. Maybe you can make yourself feel better by going for a walk or something. I hate it when those totally dumpy days come along, and nothing seems to make you feel better. I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

luckyme said...

Rubbish. It's funny how free time can sometimes bring on these feelings. I hope once you have a more solid treatment plan you will feel better. It must be an odd time for you, after your recent positive results and (i think?) close to the anniversary of your ectopic. I hope the day got better or if not that tomorrow is better.

Anonymous said...

Hugs coming your way! Hope you feel a bit better today. These days suck!

Summastarlet said...

Sending you lots of hugs. It's horrible when these awful downer moods hit you. I hope tomorrow looks brighter for you. xx

Ang said...

Wish I could be there to 'time share' the sewing machine with you! It sounds like a morning where coffee at the Starbucks in MyeongDong (the one at the top of the building with the Zara and Forever 21 in it) and a trip through Daiso and the Apple store and for socks and silly accessories at the street stalls would be fun.

A walk up to the base of Namsan would be really nice at this time of year with everything starting to green up. Or along the Han would be pretty too.

China Doll said...

Oh no! Sorry you're feeling so down.. there's no logic to the days when it hits you, is there? Thinking of you xx

Anonymous said...

Hugs--sorry you're having a down day. Hope things are looking up a little now.

Kat said...

Thanks ladies... Some days it just hits you really hard. I try to stay positive as much as I can, but Friday was just awful. I've tried to stay off blogs for the weekend and not think about IF, and I feel better. Roll on CD1!