Monday, 9 May 2011

Close a door, open a window (I hope)

Two posts today, though the earlier one was a bit 'nothing' so I don't feel bad about it.

I've made a a tough decision about work over the past few weeks. A while back I posted about a training opportunity that is coming up that takes a whole year, but would provide significant advancement opportunities. I was unsure whether to go for it, as while I don't want to put my life on hold for a pregnancy that may not happen, I also didn't want to take a place, and then drop out later, while someone who can finish the course might have missed out on an opportunity because of me.

I've decided, after a lot of thought, not to go for it. I really want to, but I also know that realistically if I do I would have put baby-making on hold for that year. I see the people doing the training course this year, who are all mega stressed and combine that with the stress of IVF... no thank you. I prefer to trundle along at work in my current role for another year, and be able to pursue fertility treatment without any additional stress.

I've been back and forth on this for weeks now, but ultimately I came to the decision that I wasn't willing to put IVF on hold. I was really down for most of last year, and it was only when we started pursuing ttc again that my mood lifted. I know that I can't go back to doing nothing, at least not at the moment.

I also looked at the situation logically, and reminded myself that this year is not the only opportunity I will ever have to do this training - I can do it in five or ten years even. I have at least 30 years left of my working life, I'm sure I'll have the chance somewhere in there. I have a bit of an obsession with people who are my age being 'better' than me, and I need to stop that.

It's weird because even though our lives and working lives are getting longer, our fertile years aren't (by much anyway) I've been dwelling on it a bit with making my decision, and then when I saw this story today I knew I'd made the right choice.

10 comments:

JustHeather said...

I just wanted to offer some virtual hugs. I often find that sometimes just coming to a conclusion or making a decision is a big part of the battle. (I know it was with me recently when I decided to not support the upcoming strike at work, the stress just melted away!) I hope you are and will continue to be happy with your decision.

eggsandsperm.com said...

I'm glad you came to a decision--it can be so hard to know what to do. If only we had a crystal ball.

Sara said...

That sounds like a really good decision. I hope that a year from now, you are thanking your lucky stars that you decided to wait.

China Doll said...

Sounds like a good decision Kat. Work, plus the course, plus IVF sounds like a nightmare! It was hard enough doing the course whilst working full-time. As you said, you can do the course anytime in the future :)

Cattiz J said...

Good decision I think. Focusing on what you want the most, doing one thing at a time. The less stress during fertility treatment the better.

luckyme said...

Sounds like a stress that can wait, with everything else going on. Not everyone would deliberate so much or be so considerate to colleagues when making such a big decision. I put TTC off for 9 months while I started a new job for the same reasons and I wouldn't let anything get in the way again. V interesting article, especially the suggestion to find 'Mr Good Enough and have a family earlier'.

luckyme said...

I hope that second sentence sounded positive (it was meant to be)...you've put so much thought into it. I remember your last post a while back.

Kat said...

Thanks everyone. I feel good about the decision, especially as I have been sitting on it for a few days. My husband is fine with it as well. It's going to come up as I have a development meeting with my line manager soon, but I know it will be fine as she knows about my treatment and is supportive.

marilyn said...

that does sound like a good decision. I just found out my best friends husband got fired from his job of 10 years and then had a heart attack. This woke me up..live you life as if tomorrow will never come. If you get a chance to work on your dream of becoming a mother..do it now!

Kat said...

@marilyn I really sorry about your friend's husband. I can't imagine what that must be like.
@luckyme I took it in a positive way, don't worry!

Thanks to everyone else, it's really nice that people understand. I feel like I was socialised to put career before 'traditional' women's roles, and I felt so guilty about choosing to step back from an opportunity.