Thursday, 30 June 2011

Nothing New...

All is quiet here. I have no idea how many of my eggs have fertilised, nor whether the embryos are surviving. All I have is a piece of paper which says to come in tomorrow at 8am and to use my progesterone gel daily.

This is slightly maddening but also brings with it an element of calm. I have to trust other people are doing their jobs properly. It feels like the clinic is confident that we will have at least a couple of embies tomorrow for transfer, otherwise they wouldn't have us come in. (I am dreading the phone ringing today).

My husband and I have discussed how many embies we would like to put back if we are given the choice. As far as I know there aren't any rules in Korea about numbers. We thought two, so long as we have some more to freeze. If we only have three in the end, then I guess we'll do three. I am concerned about multiples above twins, but we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.

Luckily the transfer falls on my weekend, so I don't have to worry about taking more time off.

That's all for today. Will update tomorrow after the transfer.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011


We got 7 eggs which was a few less than I would have liked but still good. I'm still really hoping for enough embies to do one fresh cycle and one FET but it depends on the quality of course and how many the doc recommends putting back.

When we got there at 7.40 there was no one there. No one waiting, no one behind the desk, and no signs in English. We hung around for about five minutes and then another couple showed up. After about another 5 minutes a nurse arrived. The other woman went in first, then me 5 minutes later. My doctor does egg retrieval/transfer between 8-9am so I think there were only 3 of us at the time.

I then changed into a very unflattering gown and hairnet/shower cap. Up in an elevator. Then waiting in a very nice room, where they hooked me up to an IV drip and it hit me that I was having surgery. I've only ever had surgery one other time which was when I had my ectopic. Luckily I didn't have to wait long. Into the room, up in the stirrups, saw the nurse putting the needle into my IV.

Next thing I know I was waking up. After a little while they put some headphones on me and I listened to classical music. The nurse told me the egg count, then, and sorry if TMI, pulled out all the gauze they had packed... uh... the surgical area with. As I hadn't been aware of the gauze, it came as quite a shock!

On the way back downstairs to get dressed I started seeing spots, then by the time I was at the lockers I was pretty sure I was about to faint. They put me in a break room on the sofa for about 20min.

After that went out, where my husband was waiting. Got given my progesterone gel instructions, and told to come back on Friday for transfer. They also said my husband's sample was 'all OK.' I'm not worried too much about fertilisation as my clinic does ICSI if needed ('which may incur an additional payment'), but I'm worried about abnormalities or the embryos arresting before Friday.

Went to the Coffee Bean across the street in the obstetrics hospital my clinic is part of and got a really sugary ice blended coffee thing with whipped cream. I don't usually drink them, I'm much more a straight coffee/latte girl, but I really felt like the sugar/ice combo. I also figured that as it was in the hospital if I fainted someone could help.

Headed home after a bit, got in bed for a couple of hours and took painkillers. Now in the living room watching TV. Hoping I'll be OK to go to work tomorrow.

Please send any fertilisation vibes you can spare to my eggs, c/o Cha Clinic, Yeoksam-dong, Seocho-gu, Seoul, South Korea.

Monday, 27 June 2011

An Injection Free Day!

I sat and went through all the instructions from the clinic last night and it hit me: after my trigger last night I don't seem to have any more injections for a while! I don't want to speak to soon, because likely the universe will come and jab me in the belly with a cetrotide shot or something, but it seems to be the case. All I have today is an antibiotic tablet after dinner.

I triggered last night at 10pm, which works out at 34 hours before my retrieval. I'm a bit worried about early ovulation, but I had a cetrotide shot yesterday morning so it should be OK. I am also working on the assumption that my clinic knows what it's doing. My husband freaked me out by suggesting, after I'd done the shots, that one of them had to be done tonight instead of both yesterday.

This is just further proof that when I'm there my husband doesn't actually listen to what the doctor says. Luckily I had the info from the clinic, and the nurse had helpfully written the date on the ovidril boxes.

I have to completely fast tonight from midnight - no food or even water. We're to be at the clinic at 7.40am. The instruction we have is 'remove any makeup and nail polish and also do not wear any valuables or contact lens.' I've read about not wearing any perfume or deodorant or even washing hair on the day, so I'm going to be safe rather than sorry and at least wash my hair this morning rather than tomorrow. Trying to get my husband not to wear aftershave might be a bit more of a challenge (which I will of course win!)

Other than that there isn't much happening. I'm going to work as normal today, but taking tomorrow off (obviously). I have to make sure that I have everything ready for tomorrow's classes so that people can sub me easily.

I won't be updating until after the retrieval now. It really depends on how I'm feeling but I'll try and get the info up tomorrow.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Egg Retrieval Tuesday!

We're nearly there. About 14 follies, though some of them are pretty small. The largest was at 1.9 today, others around 1.7. No one at the clinic this morning, so got through really fast. The doc spoke enough English to tell us that it was time to 'pick up' the eggs*. More cetrotide, then off to work.

Trigger (ovidril) tonight at 10pm, then antibiotics starting Monday. Egg retrieval 8am Tuesday morning.

Other great news - I have progesterone gel, so no PIO shots for me! Hurray!

On break at work so have to go.

*I'm not criticising the doctor's lack of English btw. There is no way that I could communicate any of this in Korean.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Day 10 Scan

After my post yesterday I went out for dinner with a friend. Went to the bathroom around 9pm, and discovered I was spotting. I managed to get home before having a total freak out at my husband about whether I had already ovulated and we would have to cancel the cycle.

Luckily, I my appointment was scheduled for 7.45 so I didn't have the whole morning to dwell on it. While waiting for my ultrasound I was praying 'please don't let me have ovulated. Please measure something!' I was so happy when she started measuring. Not so happy that she only seemed to have measured 5 follicles. I know 5 is better than none, but I'm still disappointed.

According to Dr K I am responding slower than he thought I would. Why this is a surprise to him I don't know. I have responded slowly in every cycle we have done. My biggest follicle was at 1.7 this morning, with most being 1.4.

We also confirmed my blood type. Definitely O negative. Again, they didn't seem too concerned about it, so I'm not worried.

So I have to go back tomorrow morning. This is a bugger as I have class at 10am. So I'm going to be rushing from the clinic to class. At least it's a Sunday so there won't be any traffic. Luckily I have prepared my Sunday classes already in case I had my egg retrieval on Sunday and someone had to sub for me.

One more Gonal F shot today which was kind of cool because instead of giving me a new pen they drew the left over meds out of the pens with a syringe (I'm easily pleased!) Also bloods, and finally the cetrotide to prevent premature ovulation. I'm relieved to have had it after that scare last night, though it itches like crazy! I now have a huge welt on my stomach that looks like my reaction to mosquito bites.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Freak-out: Too Much Time

Up until today I have been pretty glad to be doing this on my week off. I don't have to stand up for a large part of my day, I don't have to work 'til 10 at night and I don't have a bunch of 6 and 7 year olds to control.

But it's rainy season now, where it rains so hard that unless you really have to go out for some specific reason you don't go out. So I've been in the house since I got back from the clinic yesterday. This has been great for ICLW - I think for the first time I have actually been doing my six posts a day etc etc. I've also been trying to get through the George R R Martin Song of Fire and Ice novels. However I'm frustrated with the books at the moment as everything is dragged out for ages, seemingly for the sake of it. I think Arya has been wandering around looking for her mother for a book and a half. One reason I love Hemingway is because he gets to the point.

And I shall get to mine. I've had too much time with the internet today. This morning I was pretty calm and taking things as they come. Now I'm freaked out that I can't seem to find much information on the protocol I'm on and I'm worried that I'm not on any kind of suppression and maybe I will ovulate early and even if we do get to egg retrieval and we get embryos we will still get a BFN. It seems that while so many people get BFNs, when I get on various fertility boards looking for information I see lots of people have IVF BFNs for years.

Also, I had a really bad FB moment. There is a woman who I knew from high school who is due in a few weeks, which has been fine because it's been going on for a long time. The today - surprise! A couple who we didn't even know were expecting posted pictures of their brand new baby! Arrgh! I am sooo p-o'd today.

I don't really need to be talked down, just to vent. I'm kind of freaking out about my scan tomorrow morning. Thank goodness it's early in the morning so I don't have too much time to worry about it.

And if I'm like this now, what will I be like during the 2WW - assuming that I get that far?

Thursday, 23 June 2011

2nd Scan Stimming Day 8

'Everything is looking good so far' says Dr K.

In my new attitude of letting him worry about the details, to avoid madness on my part, I'm pretty happy with that assessment. The largest follicle was at 1.2, so I have another 2 days of the Gonal-F at 225. They only gave me a 300 iu pen for tomorrow, which I take as a sign we're nearly there. Still no suppression drugs.

I also had a chest x-ray which I was supposed to have on Monday but I wasn't sure, and had already been there 2 hours so I left. Today was much quieter so I didn't have to wait. The radiology room is the room where they do the HSG so I had some unpleasant flashbacks, but I was only in there 2 minutes so it didn't matter. They did protect my abdomen with a shield thing which was reassuring.

And now onto...

The Curious Case of My Blood Type.

Until last year, I hadn't given my blood type much thought. Then after my ectopic I was given an Anti-D Gamma globulin injection. If you've had one of these then you know it's for if you are Rh negative. If your partner is Rh positive, which most people are, then the baby is also Rh positive. If any of the baby's blood mixes with an Rh negative mother's blood, it creates anti-bodies in the mother that can attack any future pregnancy. The Anti-D injection cleans out any Rh positive blood cells from the mother's blood before any anti-bodies can develop.

This becomes a curious case in that according to my mother neither she nor my father are Rh negative. Therefore I couldn't be. When investigating it further, I discovered that the Basque people in northern Spain, where I was living at the time of the ectopic, have a really high percentage of Rh negative people compared to the rest of Europe. I mentally wrote off the mystery as it being standard medical practice in the region after an ectopic. I then forgot about it.

Until today. After Dr K gave me my instructions for the next couple of days, the nurse drew his attention to something in my paperwork. My apparent Rh negative status. I then remembered about the Anti-D I'd had after my ectopic, and they seemed relieved. I wasn't though. I know that being Rh negative can affect a baby (my younger bro-in-law was born jaundiced because my MIL is Rh negative) but it hadn't occurred to me about the IVF.

I then said about neither of my parents being Rh negative (which I'm fairly sure is their ignorance of it, rather than a fact. Or I'm adopted, which I don't think likely either) and he said they would do a double check of my blood type and also check for any anti bodies in my blood from the ectopic. He said it wouldn't be a problem.

My very quick research into this has been reassuring, and when the time comes I know I'll get the proper care if I have a Rh positive baby. I'm just upset to have another spanner in the reproductive works, and one more thing to worry about when I finally do get pregnant.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Happy June ICLW

I saw this on a fellow bloggers ICLW greeting last month and thought I would do it this time around. Enjoy!

A) Age when you started TTC:  Me 27, Him 26

B) Baby Dancing or Sex: What's that? Sex to make a baby? That's crazy!

C) Children wanted: Three, but at the moment we're going to have one (hopefully!) and see how it goes.

D) Dog/Cat/Fill in Children:  Cat. Lazy, spoiled, agoraphobic Patxi

E) Essential oils/ Vitamins/ Snail Oils: Nope - I think I have some Costco multivitamins somewhere but I always forget to take them.

F) Fertility meds I've taken: Clomid, Follistim, Gonal-F, IVF-C (trigger shot)

G) Gain: At the moment, 0.5kg

H) HSG (Hystosalpingogram): Unfortunately yes. Tubes open but they don't actually work properly because of adhesions.

I) Infertile Pet Peeves: The usual I'm sure.

J) Job title: Teacher

K) Kids name you're afraid will be taken by the time you have kids: I don't think my names will be taken, and if they are there are plenty more that I like!

L) Length of time TTC: 3 years 4 months

M) Miscarriages: No... does an ectopic count?

N) Number of times you've switched OB/GYN's, RE's: Once, but only because of an international move.

O) Ovarian quality: Looking good at the beginning of treatment. Probably knackered now after 4 months of continual stimulation.

P) POAS or wait for AF: POAS unfortunately. It's not good for my mental health. I'm thinking of throwing away my cheapies this cycle and just wait for the blood test. Easier said than done though.

Q) Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "I don't believe in too much medical intervention in pregnancy"  Neither did I til I was in emergency surgery with an ectopic pregnancy. Now I'm all 'bring it on!'

S) Sperm: Rockstar sperm. 99% motility after washing in both IUIs.

T) Time tried naturally: March 2008 - February 2010

U) Uterus: So far so good (hopefully no other problems beyond my crappy tubes).

V) Vagina:  I'm a bit sick of getting dildo-cams and speculums shoved up it, truth be told.

W) What baby stuff do you have already:  A copy of What to Expect that I bought in the hope that getting a book about pregnancy will get me pregnant - If you build it, they will come. Also my buggy (stroller) window shopping habit.

X) X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?: Quite a few. I'm fairly open about it all because I think that it's nothing to be ashamed of. And hey, if my story makes a 23 year old get an STI check, then I've done something good in the world. People do say stupid things sometimes but generally speaking they are pretty good about it and just tell me IVF success stories.

Y) Yearly Exam. No, because we only do them every 3 years in the UK. Am due a cervical smear test though. Maybe if this cycle is a BFN I'l get on that.

Z) Zits: Yes, despite my Clini.que habit. Genetic I'm afraid.

Monday, 20 June 2011

Stimming Day 5... First Scan

I woke up late this morning - it's so hot that I keep waking up in the night, then find it difficult to get up in the morning. I then sat and read blogs for about 30 minutes. Heather at Battlefish has lost her mother suddenly to a heart attack yesterday and it really threw me. As a result I completely mistimed getting to the clinic so I had to rush. It's nearly 30 degrees C here, even at 9.30 in the morning, so by the time I got there I was gross and sweaty.

I needn't have bothered rushing. It being Monday it was mega-busy and I had to wait at every turn. I forgot to mention that this is a holiday week at work so I don't have class, otherwise I would have got really stressed.

Ultrasound: she didn't really measure very many, which got me in a bit of a panic, but the ones she did measure were all around 0.8 and 0.9 so at least so far they are growing evenly. Loooong wait to see Dr K. He told me that the follies were 'just starting growing.' I asked him how many we are shooting for and he said 10, but he gave no indication how many I had this morning. Too early to tell I guess. I think I like this low level of information approach, as I otherwise would have too much to obsess over. Ignorance, while not bliss, does seem to give me a level of calm.

As I said, I was in a bit of a panic after the lack of measuring at the ultrasound, and was mentally preparing myself for the worst case scenario, which at the moment is the cycle being cancelled. Dr K is really good at being reassuring though.

Then something that I didn't expect that was equally reassuring. Because the egg retrieval is done under a general anaesthetic, I had to have another load of tests this morning to make sure it would be alright I assume. Which... guess what... I had to wait ages to have. Blood, urine, EKG.  The blood was the worst part, as when I sat down she looked at my paper and then started picking out the little tubes. And just kept on picking them out. Seven in total which I know isn't really a lot but as I was expecting just one or two watching her just getting more and more of them was alarming.

Also, did I mention I didn't eat breakfast this morning?

I then sat for 5 minutes after the blood, feeling a bit light-headed, had the EKG, and then got my Gonal-F pen. The nurse did my jab today in the injection room (it was nearly 12 by then, which is 2 hours after I'm supposed to do them each day, though apparently it doesn't matter too much if one or two of them are at the wrong time).

I'm still only on 225 of Gonal F for 3 days (including today) No suppression drugs yet. In on Thursday for another scan.

So, while my follicles may or may not be developing enough, things are still moving ahead. I'm telling myself that they wouldn't bother to do the pre-anaesthesia checks if things were looking disastrous.

If you get a moment, please go and see Heather and show some support at this difficult time.

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Thoughts on the pen...

Just a short update.

My injection this morning really stung! The others have been fine, yesterdays was really easy, but today was really difficult and stingy. I don't use ice, as the needle itself isn't that bad, but it was difficult to get the needle in this morning and then it was super-stingy the whole time.

I think I prefer the pen to the needles, but only just. At the moment it's pretty much six of one half dozen of the other. It's still sticking a needle in my belly at the end of the day!

Scan tomorrow morning at 10am. Fingers crossed for lots of follicles.

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Short Protocol

I posted yesterday about my sudden entry onto an IVF cycle, and I was pretty confused at the time (and also at work) so I wasn't much with the details.

So the details are as follows:

I'm on 4 days of Gonal-F 225, back in on Monday for a scan. As I mentioned in my last post I'm not on any down-regging drugs, but they might be added later depending on my response. I initially was very confused, but after posting on the BC IVF forum it seems I am not the only one doing this kind of protocol. Which is a relief, because being in a different country can be really hard when things are done slightly differently and it's difficult to find people going through the same thing in the same language.

So why the short protocol? I'm 31, as far as I know my hormone levels are 'normal,' if I was in the UK I think I would be on a long protocol.

To be honest I think it might be a Korea thing. Korea is all about 'balli-balli,' which means 'quickly-quickly.' I think that they do short protocols because they don't take so long and if you don't give a patient something they want right now, they might go elsewhere. In this town, it's possible you could demand your records on day 2 from one clinic, call another one and get an appointment and treatment at another on the same day. It's not that the clinics aren't busy, but rather they just manage to fit you in.

Also, given the number of patients my clinic sees, I suspect the short protocol is easier to manage if the patient qualifies. It's a shorter period of time to keep an eye on things, and less complicated for the patients to keep track of.

A couple of you commented about me not really having time to process the failed IUI. The thing is, I could have asked to delay for a month if I wanted to but I didn't. If I had, I know that in a weeks time I would have been wishing that I had got on with it. I like to be moving forward.

IVF 1... Go!

As in now. As in this morning. As in I've already had the first stimm injection and I am now sitting in my office with my head reeling by how quickly things have moved.

After the last IUI the nurse told me to come in on day 2 of my cycle if things didn't work out. So I called yesterday after AF started yesterday and they managed to squeeze me in for this morning. I thought perhaps it might be to check for a chemical pregnancy, but I did also wonder if it was partly to start a short-protocol IVF. My husband and I discussed it last night, but I still can't believe it is happening.

Dr K was very compassionate and asked what I wanted to do. I said that I didn't think that my fallopian tubes really work, despite them being open, and he agreed. So, onto IVF. He sent me off for a ultrasound to check all my follicles were the same size (or something).

When I came back he had an English language info pack ready on the desk, and said we were going to get started with stimms today. Off for a blood test, picked up my Gonal-F pen from the pharmacy, was talked through the consent forms, and then shown how to use the pen and given my first shot.

I guess I'm on a variation of the short protocol. I tried to look it up quickly on the way to work but didn't have time. I asked if I was going to be taking anything to down-reg (or whatever) at the same time as stimms but he said it depends on how I react to the drugs. I'm on 225 per day, which is 3 times stronger than I was on for the last IUI. Egg retrieval tentatively set for next weekend (they only confirm 2 days before.)

Sorry this post is a bit rambly. I'm still in a bit of shock and also I'm at work. I'll post in more detail this evening when I get home.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Like Crack...

I was just reviewing the posts for this 2WW and man, am I being repetitive! I feel down, I don't have faith in the IUI working, yadda yadda yadda. Don't bother commenting about being allowed to feel however I want during a 2WW, I know that, but I don't need to subject you all to my constant whining. (However this is not a promise that I won't moan again in the future, just not for the rest of this 2WW) It's looking like a failed cycle at this point (another BFN today) so it's time to adjust and move on.

edited to add - it looks like AF has just shown up this morning after I wrote this post, again 10 days post IUI, so there you go.

Time to change the record.

At the weekend I did something bad. Something really, really bad. No, I didn't drink a bottle of vodka or kick a puppy. Or kick a puppy while drinking a bottle of vodka. Instead it was so bad I'm not sure I can forgive myself.

Things are ticking along with our insurance payment for the first IUI, and apparently the first claim has been 'paid,' though I've yet to see the money in my account (the paperwork goes to the UK, they process it slooowly, then convert the claim amount into GBP, then they should be paying it into my UK bank account by transfer. If a GBP cheque shows up here in Korea I will be very angry!)*

Anyway, we're likely to see some of the money for testing and the first IUI back soon. This has made me positive about things as I now believe that we will actually be able to afford the fairly inevitable IVF cycle on the horizon.**

So what was it I did? On Saturday morning I dragged by husband up the the 8th floor of the Lotte Department Store to look at... buggies (strollers, for those of you who don't speak British)

Buggies are like crack for me at the moment. Seriously. Despite my belief in the failure of this particular cycle, fantasy shopping for buggies is making me feel better. I guess it's like the 'One day...' dreaming my husband does with Ferraris. I know that the chances of me one day getting a buggy are much higher than him getting a Ferrari.

Part of it for me is forward planning. Can we afford this? How much money do we have to save to get what we want? The good news is that we can afford a buggy. The other news, which had me screeching and shocking the sales woman at this weird foreigner who doesn't appear to be pregnant.

They have the buggy I want. Exactly the model.

If you live in your home country, this won't come as a surprise. But living out here it can be difficult to get the international brands that you want. (Brits - there is no Marmite here.) The bad news is the price. It is waaaay more expensive than it would be in the UK or US.

Time to start saving I guess...

*I know that I'm very, very lucky to have any kind of insurance cover for treatment so shouldn't be complaining about speed, but as I stupidly sent all the original receipts in the international mail without the mail-tracking option I was getting worried that they'd been lost.

**As above, I know I'm very lucky to be able to afford IVF relatively easily, but you should know that we moved to Korea because the IVF was cheap. If it had been through the roof expensive we would be living elsewhere right now. We are sacrificing living anywhere near our families for this.

Monday, 13 June 2011

No Mans Land

Here's something I haven't shared about this cycle - I've been testing every day. It started with testing for whether those HCG shots had disappeared. Then I entered the no-mans land between the trigger and the time when it's 'the right time' to test. I think I'm still in that no-mans land (day 9 post-IUI) but I'm just reaching the border.

I didn't plan to test every day (and I really hope I won't be doing it next time) but I just kind of drifted into it.

So far, except for the post-trigger tests, it all BFN, BFN, BFN. Of course. Of course. It's too early to test. It's too early to test. (Just, I can't help the sneaky voice that's telling me that some people get positives this early.)

I also had an incredibly frustrating conversation with my husband yesterday. I tried to have the 'what next' conversation. He didn't want to have it yet. He wants to wait and see about this cycle. But that's not my personality. I have to have the next step in place. It's how I deal with things. I can handle this cycle being negative, as long as I know where we're going next. It's a joke in my family that I always have some plan or scheme going on. I can't just exist, and that's the case with this as well.

He just kept saying 'I don't know' and 'let's wait and see,' which was really annoying. I told him I didn't need to know right then, but I wanted him to think about it. The way that thing happen here you have to decide more of less immediately. If it's CD1 you have to get your appointment for CD2, and the next thing you know you're learning how to inject yourself. I need to know his opinion so I can make a decision on the spot, as he can never get to appointments with me.

As you may be able to tell I'm not feeling overly confident about this cycle.

Saturday, 11 June 2011

D7pIUI Pointless Grumbling

Some things to grumble about:

Grumble 1: My poor cat, as you can see, is having to wear a cone :-( I discovered a patch of irritated skin on his belly, took him to the vet who shaved the area, gave me some medication for him, and told me he had to wear a cone. He's not loving it, and is being really pathetic.

Grumble 2: I trust my doctor that he has chosen a course of action that has created the best possible conditions/chances to make a baby (assuming that my fallopian tubes are working properly) but I am really hating the after effects of the HCG shots. Every time I have a symptom, and I think 'hmm, maybe...' I have to remind myself that while there isn't enough HCG in my body to show on an hpt, the effects are still showing in my body.

Non-grumble: I bought the ice-cream maker! It's so tiny and cute and I can't wait to try it out.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

2WW Day 5

Morning all! Just a quick run down as there isn't much to report right now.
  • I've been POAS to test for the HCG shots disappearing (and also just to see the two lines I confess.) Yesterday I had a very faint line from my Tuesday HCG shot. Today nothing, so I think I'm clear from now on out.
  • I've had some very mild cramping on the left side, but I'm working hard to tell myself it's probably nothing.
  • I'm absolutely shattered as I haven't been sleeping well. The weather is hot suddenly, and I think the HCG shots are interfering with my sleep. Also the cat, who makes it his duty to sleep in any available space on the bed, even if that means I get pushed off. Yes, our cat is incredibly spoiled.
  • It's pseudo-Friday, so I'm really looking forward to my weekend. Also, as my husband has just been paid I get to go to Costco. I love Costco. Last time I went they had these teeny ice-cream makers which I didn't buy, but if they have them again I might pick one up.
  • Yesterday I did some market research (in English). They specifically wanted British people as they were revamping a UK website for a Korean company, but for some reason couldn't go to London for the focus groups. 1 1/2 hours = 200 dollars! Nice.
  • I web-chatted with my insurance company last night (I love that I don't have to call internationally) to check whether they received my claim for the first IUI as it wasn't showing up on the website. They have received it but haven't started processing it. Also I can just send my injectable cycle IUI receipts without having to fill in a new form, as technically it is the same issue that hasn't been resolved.
  • Unfortunately this morning I have to go waaaay across town this morning to take some documents to our head office. They need them by 9.30am so I have to get moving!

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Lack of Faith

First of all, thanks everyone for your words of support on my last, incredibly long post.

I'm on 2WW day 3. I have to go and have my second HCG shot this morning (which I could have done myself at home but I chickened out)

I'm not in a good place this morning. I don't mean that I feel sad or down, actually I don't, but I don't have any faith that this IUI will have worked, despite everything. I don't know if this is a subconscious defense mechanism so if/when it fails I won't feel too bad, or if I'm just being realistic. Or perhaps I'm hoping if I say 'It's not going to work' enough times the universe will conspire to make it work.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

IUI 2 Complete... Almost.

I never want to have to visit my clinic on a Saturday again! Previously if I had to go in on a Saturday I go at 7.30am to avoid the crowds. However there was no way to do that today as the sperm washing takes 2 hours, so from the time my husband called me to say he was done, it meant I couldn't go in until 10.15. Which I knew would be slap-bang in the middle of the busiest period. To get to the sonogram reception you have to walk past the doctor's consultation rooms. There were about 60 people waiting - sitting, standing, with little kids, on the phone, sitting silently. There are four or five doctors on that floor, so not everyone was waiting for my doctor, but it was still absolutely crazy.

Surprisingly I didn't have to wait long for the sonogram. I've clearly been at this too long (all of 3 months) because I could tell that I had ovulated as the black blobs on my ovaries were much smaller and she didn't measure anything. Lining at 1cm! I said 'yay!' and the tech laughed which was nice.

Then the waiting... and waiting... and waiting... I honestly don't mind waiting when I know how long I will have to wait. But when you just sit there and sit there with no information... I got really frustrated because people who had been in sonogram after me went into see the doctor before me. Logically I knew the doctor was trying to clear as many 'quick' patients as he could before doing a procedure, but I was still irritated. One couple were just walking up the stairs when they were called, they hadn't even put their card in the door slot to show they were there, and they were called. And I was just sitting there waiting.

I was also irritated by one of the other couples waiting, or rather by the man of the couple. He kept trying to get his wife to smile by pushing up the sides of her mouth. She kept pushing him off and telling him to stop it. Which he would... for about 20 seconds then he would try again. It really pissed me off as the poor woman clearly just wanted to sit and wait quietly and wonder whether she would ever have a baby and he wasn't allowing her that.

When I finally went into the doctor it was nearly 11am. He looked exhausted, told me I had ovulated, then told me I had to wait for a bed to be ready to have the IUI. More waiting, then they came and asked me for my husband's ID card.

They'd mentioned last time that they needed copies of our Korean ID cards and they had copied mine no problem. I made a point of telling my husband to take his in this morning, which is not a big deal as by law in Korea you have to carry it all the time. He told me that they had taken it away, which he assumed was for copying, then given it back. Clearly they hadn't copied it.

I then got really pissed off, as I irrationally thought they might not do the IUI. What really bugged me was he had been there that morning and they hadn't taken a copy. So I started telling the nurse forcefully that he had brought it and it wasn't my fault. I wasn't yelling but I wasn't too polite either. This is just as Dr K came out of his office.

The nurse took my less than polite tone very well - hopefully she knows how many hormones they have filled me with and excused it. She just smiled and ushered me off to the procedure room, and told me to bring it next time.

The IUI was about as comfortable as an IUI can be, I suppose. I can't think of anyone would every describe an IUI as comfortable. It only hurt a little, and was done very quickly. Dr K said 'I hope this time we make it.' He's also prescribed two HCG shots to aid implantation. One today, one Tuesday.

After the procedure I lay there and cried. I know it's all hormones, but the waiting around got me really het up. I also really, really want this to work, and I know that the odds still suck. Also, because of the HCG shots I will have all kinds of symptoms that could be absolutely nothing.

However, focussing on the negative isn't going to do me any good today, so here are the positives: I had at least 2 follicles at 1.5 and 1.9 on Thursday. I've ovulated. Lining at 1cm. After sperm washing my husbands motility was 99%. I've got 2 HCG shots to aid implantation.

2WW begins.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

All Set for Saturday

We are all set for the IUI Saturday morning. Follies at 1.9 and 1.5, today the lining is at 8mm so I'm hoping that it'll thicken a bit more by Saturday.

I had the double pleasure of getting both a belly and butt injection today. I was a bit surpirsed to be getting follitropin at the same time as the trigger. If I'm being triggered, why make the follies bigger? But then I'm not a reproductive specialist who sees hundreds of women a week, so what do I know.

Speaking of hundreds of women, the clinic was super busy this morning. I saw loads of other foreigners there. I often see one, but today I counted five other foreign women there at the same time as me. I also had to wait at every turn. Perhaps it is now the season for fertility treatment.

I'm hoping that the discomfort I'm feeling will have passed once I ovulate. I'm also considering whether to test for the trigger leaving my system, but I haven't decided whether I can take the stress or not. I've come to terms with the fact that the early symptoms I had last IUI were probably just the effects of the trigger, so I'm hoping to wait to test until at least day 10 post IUI.