Friday, 24 June 2011

Freak-out: Too Much Time

Up until today I have been pretty glad to be doing this on my week off. I don't have to stand up for a large part of my day, I don't have to work 'til 10 at night and I don't have a bunch of 6 and 7 year olds to control.

But it's rainy season now, where it rains so hard that unless you really have to go out for some specific reason you don't go out. So I've been in the house since I got back from the clinic yesterday. This has been great for ICLW - I think for the first time I have actually been doing my six posts a day etc etc. I've also been trying to get through the George R R Martin Song of Fire and Ice novels. However I'm frustrated with the books at the moment as everything is dragged out for ages, seemingly for the sake of it. I think Arya has been wandering around looking for her mother for a book and a half. One reason I love Hemingway is because he gets to the point.

And I shall get to mine. I've had too much time with the internet today. This morning I was pretty calm and taking things as they come. Now I'm freaked out that I can't seem to find much information on the protocol I'm on and I'm worried that I'm not on any kind of suppression and maybe I will ovulate early and even if we do get to egg retrieval and we get embryos we will still get a BFN. It seems that while so many people get BFNs, when I get on various fertility boards looking for information I see lots of people have IVF BFNs for years.

Also, I had a really bad FB moment. There is a woman who I knew from high school who is due in a few weeks, which has been fine because it's been going on for a long time. The today - surprise! A couple who we didn't even know were expecting posted pictures of their brand new baby! Arrgh! I am sooo p-o'd today.

I don't really need to be talked down, just to vent. I'm kind of freaking out about my scan tomorrow morning. Thank goodness it's early in the morning so I don't have too much time to worry about it.

And if I'm like this now, what will I be like during the 2WW - assuming that I get that far?


Anonymous said...

It's so hard, isn't it with the unknown. I don't have any advice but to take one day at a time.. or one hour if needed. Hang in there and try to trust the doctors on your protocol.

Bernadette & Duane said...

Awww I just wrote about my own FB moment-- clearly we are meant to stay off that thing! Thinking of you! Try to have a restful day-- as much as you can. Best, Bernadette

Guiri de California said...

Hey, you're on a short protocol, right? I am sure you're in good hands...just keep telling yourself that until proven otherwise. As for fb, I think I may disable my account during my ivf treatment-it's too emotional and difficult right now to see pregnancy announcements/baby pics when I am struggling and paying to have one of my own.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I hope the scan goes well.

Jackie said...

Yeah, the internet can be your best friend and worst nightmare when it comes to worries. Hope you're feeling a little better after your vent - I know that need well! Best of luck, and Happy ICLW!