Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Lack of Faith

First of all, thanks everyone for your words of support on my last, incredibly long post.

I'm on 2WW day 3. I have to go and have my second HCG shot this morning (which I could have done myself at home but I chickened out)

I'm not in a good place this morning. I don't mean that I feel sad or down, actually I don't, but I don't have any faith that this IUI will have worked, despite everything. I don't know if this is a subconscious defense mechanism so if/when it fails I won't feel too bad, or if I'm just being realistic. Or perhaps I'm hoping if I say 'It's not going to work' enough times the universe will conspire to make it work.

12 comments:

luckyme said...

I think it's so understandable to lose faith at times. I felt (still do) really scarred by my failed fresh cycle. I completely broke down at my first uss pre FET and told my Dr that I had a 6th sense that it just wouldn't work. Maybe for all the reasons you describe in the last paragraph...dunno. All that comforted me at that time is that each time we try, whatever the method, it raises our chances, takes us closer to our goal and you just never know. Thinking of you!

luckyme said...

doh...I mean...'you just never know' this month could be the month with a BFP :)

Kat said...

I knew what you meant ;-) just had my Hcg shot.

I think I just feel that even though my doctor has done everything he can to make this one successful, the success rate still sucks. I'm just living in a state of tension wondering how I will react if/when my period starts. Which will inevitably happen at work of course!

China Doll said...

But remember that this procedure does work for plenty of people so, even though I totally get where you're coming from, there is always a chance that you will be one of those lucky people :) Thinking of you xx

marilyn said...

Oh... You are in such a hard place:( I am thinking of you. These are your feelings right now and today or any day you are allowed to feel down or angry, frustrated or whatever you feel.. Go with it. This is a hard thing you are going through:(
But I am still going to send a bucket full if baby dust your way:)
Hugs

lostintranslation said...

I know what you mean - I had six IUIs and they all resulted in BFNs, and in hindsight I feel like it was a complete waste of time - but hey, like China Doll said, there are plenty of people for whom it works. I really hope you're one of them. Good luck during the 2WW!

Kat said...

I know that some IUIs do work, and that's why I wanted to try it, but the stress of the 2WW is making me doubt my decision making.

A. said...

Thinking of you and really hoping that you are pleasantly surprised! I know how tortuous the 2ww mind games can be and I've never found a way around it.

Kat said...

Wouldn't it be great to fall asleep for 2 weeks, have a dreamless sleep, and then wake up knowing the answer!

Bernadette & Duane said...

Thank you for your comment-- I'm so happy to have discovered your blog! A lot of similarities between our journeys. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you. I look forward to following your story!

JustHeather said...

Sometimes it is so hard to not be negative and not have the feeling of they cycle working out. I think especially when we have so much experience with it not working, it is sometimes (and after a while) hard to not feel like any good will come of it.
Try to do something or eat something than makes you feel good and hope tomorrow is a better day. *hugs*

Sushigirl said...

I think its a coping mechanism... just do whatever you have to do to get through the 2ww.