I honestly don't think I could have had a worse start to today. I need to rewind to last night to begin this tale...
I was getting ready to go to bed when I notice I'm spotting. Kind of red/pink. Not a huge amount but enough to notice. At this point I guess I was 5 and a half dp3dt. Holy f*cking shit - it's too early for AF to have shown up, surely? I had mentally prepared myself that she might show on Saturday at the earliest, but on Wednesday night. No no no no no!
I tdl my husband, who of course says 'calm down, it could be nothing.' Cue hysterics on my part, which included the classic line 'just because you tell me to calm down doesn't mean I'm not feeling what I'm feeling' or some other slightly confused sentence.
Nothing was 'flowing' particularly, nor what I would call bright red. In the back of my head I suddenly thought about implantation bleeding, it being 5dt3dt, but that only happens to like 30% of women or something. With nothing to be done, I went to bed.
A long night followed of not sleeping much, obsessively going to the bathroom to check if I was still spotting and deciding what colour said spotting was. I managed to avoid consulting Dr Internet, and just lay in bed obsessing. I woke my husband at 1am to cry hysterically. I was also going over how I could duck out of work to get to the clinic if I needed to (it was a big day today). This didn't help my mental state. To be honest with you it got lighter as the night went on, and by around 2.30am I managed to convince myself that it was likely an implantation bleed. I think I did this solely in order to finally fall asleep. I fell asleep.
And dreamed of positive hpts. It was my hpt, but for some reason it wasn't my baby, I was a surrogate or something. But I was pregnant. I woke up at 4.30, feeling warm and happy, and I did not want to move to break the spell of the dream.
But move I did because today was one of my 5.30 mornings, and was faced with more spotting. It was quite heavy, but that was partly because I had been lying down for a couple of hours. I showered and it seemed to have stopped, but when I did my progesterone gel there was brown blood on the applicator.
I went out of the bathroom with wet feet onto the wood floor, stepped over the cat, slipped and fell straight on my arse in the dark. I also hit my leg on the dining room table, and landed hard on my wrist. I screeched and started crying, again. My husband got up and gave me a hug, but all I could do then was put on my big girl hat and get ready for work. I had a 7am class I had to get to. There was no one to cover me. I then had 3 hours of training. I now have 3 more hours of teaching.
The spotting has reduced now, a lot, but I'm terrified of going to the bathrrom. I called my clinic first thing and the nurse said as it isn't a heavy bleed and also as I'm not in any pain I should just continue as normal until my beta day and keep doing my progesterone. She said it could be implanation, or it could be random spotting. There is no was to tell until the beta. They did say I could come in this morning if I wanted to, but as they probably wouldn't do anything and it had reduced a bit I didn't want to waste my time. I can always go in tomorrow or Saturday if things get worse.
I am really hating this 2WW. I knew it was going to be stressful and all consuming, but I wasn't prepared for this.