I had a slightly awkward conversation with husband the night before last. We're on a two month break in treatment before the FET in September, but I wasn't sure whether he wanted to 'try' for those two months. He does, or assumed that we would be, so I guess I'm on board as well.
Chances are slim, I know that, but it's still in the back of my head that it could work. I am now going to share far too much information, but it's important to understand the way I'm thinking and why I still have the tiniest smidgen of hope.
Between having my lap and dye, where I was told I couldn't conceive naturally, and the HSG a year later which showed my tubes are actually open, I was diagnosed and treated for chlamydia. This isn't a secret, and I have mentioned it before. I'm not really ashamed of it (much) as I know I wasn't (much of) a slut, just an idiot who didn't get regular check ups in her early twenties because 'it won't happen to me.' I don't know for sure when I got it, but as my husband wasn't an angel either before we got together, just another idiot who didn't get checked out, we have a non-self-blame agreement.
After I was diagnosed and treated, we still thought my tubes were closed, which is what we'd been told, and we didn't try anyway for about nine months. We used protection, because we were scared of another ectopic (despite what we'd been told) and I was in a new job and didn't want to risk any situation in which I might have to be off work.
Fast forward to March this year when I had my HSG and found out my tubes are actually open. Logic suggests to me that the active infection was causing my tubes to be blocked, and now it is gone my tubes are still scarred, and probably don't work properly, but are open.
I then had 1 month of trying naturally, 2 IUIs and one medicated cycle of timed intercourse. Then we moved on to IVF. Which means since treating the infection that was blocking my tubes until 2010, we have only tried to conceive using my fallopian tubes for four months. Sure, I had two eggs both times on the IUIs, and probably on the medicated cycle, but still...
Four months isn't that long to be trying, says the little voice in my head. There's still a chance, says the little voice in my head. I'm going to drive you crazy, says the little voice in my head.