Friday, 30 September 2011

Idiot

Like a fool I tested with a FRER hpt last night when I got in from work. BFN at 6and a half dp3dt.


Then, like the desperate woman I am I stared at the little screen trying to see whether there was even a ghost of a line. I thought there might be at some angles, but I suspect it was my brain playing tricks on me. When I finally held it up to the light I couldn't see anything there.


Today I'm feeling conflicted. While I know it's very early to test, the FRER tests say they have a 78% accuracy rate four days before your period is due. And I just have that feeling as well, which I've had for the last couple of days, that this hasn't worked at all.


I'm so angry with myself because I knew I would feel this way if I tested that early and it was a BFN. I would be both upset that the cycle had failed, and still hoping because it was so early to test .


The only things that are stopping me from giving up right now are some recurring twinges I'm getting in the same place on my left side. Of course, even these can't fill me with joy as they are on the same side as my ectopic. So I've got paranoia  mixed in there as well.


Not a great start to my weekend. I'm going to try to forget about the whole thing and then test again on Monday if AF hasn't shown her face. Beta on Tuesday.

5 comments:

Michele said...

I frequent that motto "forget that just happened until further notice". I think it's a good plan for you too.

JustHeather said...

Don't beat yourself up, Kat! The temptation to POAS and then be upset when we know it is too early is so hard to resist. *hugs* Make your husband do something fun with you this weekend. :)

Cattiz J said...

It's so tempting it's crazy.. you have to have such self control not to test as soon as there will be a chance of that second line.

mommyodyssey said...

It's nothing to worry about! You tested in the evening. HPT's show early positives only with first morning urine. YOU ARE STILL IN THIS!
Don't feel bad. But if you're gonna test early, test first thing in the morning. :-)
Crossing my fingers for you hon!

lostintranslation said...

Oh, I have a love/hate relationship with POAS... And I'm so sorry for not commenting on your previous posts this cycle. I have been reading and thinking about you though! Keeping fingers crossed for a second line to appear soon.