Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Worried Wednesday

My worries are myriad and often free floating, but I'm hoping writing them down will help assuage them a little. If not, then a problem shared is a problem halved (or at least reduced a little). I have shared my worries with my husband, but he just says 'I know,' as in 'I know you're worried.' It's true that there is very little that can be done to stop me worrying, but I just want to get them out there. In no particular order:

  • In my fresh cycle back in July I started spotting today, 5and a half dp3dt. It was horrible and I don't want it to happen again. I keep repeating to myself that I'm on completely different meds (except for the progesterone) and that I didn't trigger this time around, which my doctor agrees was a factor. Logic suggests, as I'm following my natural cycle, that the earliest AF would show herself would be next Tuesday (as I ovulated last Tuesday. I know this for sure as I had a u/s on Monday and hadn't ovulated, but I had at u/s on Wednesday.) However the 2WW is anything but logical and I've been on toilet roll check since Saturday.
  • I thought that the progynova would stop AF from coming early, but an internet search suggests that that isn't the case. If AF wants to show her horrible face, she will.
  • I don't have any symptoms at all. I have a little bit of cramping but that could so easily be from the medication as well.
  • Writing my last post made me think about how much I really want this FET to work. I'm glad I wrote it because it had been kicking round my head for a few days, but it's also made me think a lot about what success of this cycle would mean. It's not just two lines on a pee-stick, or a rising beta. It's the life of a human being: my potential child.
  • I'm going to test with a FRER on Saturday (or maybe Friday). I'll be 8-9dp3dt which I know other people have seen results on. The other reason is that if it's negative I can be upset on my day off, rather than on a work day.
  • I've listed my blog on both Cyclesista and ICLW this month, but I haven't been able to face exploring/following people's cycles. I did that on my fresh cycle and it seemed everyone else got pregnant and I didn't. If this cycle is going to fail, I don't need to have everyone else's success rubbed in my face. I even had one lovely woman, who was spotting at the same time as me and very sympathetic, end up with a BFP. I can't deal with it again.
  • If this doesn't work out we're not going again until the new year. It's too stressful to start again right away and I think I need to give my body a break.
  • With that in mind, I've promised myself that if this cycle doesn't work then I'm going to try to lose some weight and get in shape before the next cycle. I'd started going to the gym before this cycle and I was a little... conflicted... about stopping for the FET. I want a baby more than I want to lose weight, of course.
That's all for now, but I definitely feel better writing it down.


Michele said...

I'm sorry you're having so many worries. I hope this cycle turns out well. I totally know how you feel about losing weight vs having a baby, I only feel ok working out for the two week before ovulation, never during the TWW.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to reading/following others that's doing treatment about the same time. I am interested and want my fellow bloggers to succeed but it's hard to be the one it fails for. I get that.

Jamie said...

I'm a fairly quiet follower, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm in your corner, cheering as hard as I can for this to work! We all understand what it's like to not be able to face/deal with certain things, and no one will hold it against you!

Lots of luck!

Sushigirl said...

I'm just catching up with everyone...

Good luck with this cycle.

My clinic say that the downregging shot keeps AF away. They used to not bother with d/r for a FET, but now do because of people getting spotting. Hopefully yours will stay away though.

luckyme said...

I couldn't face 'cycling' with anyone online, 1st or 2nd cycle either. I can really imagine how you felt last time, the way you describe things sounds familiar to me. I'll be continuing to read and follow your journey and to cheer you on from afar(though not always commenting as not sure it's v useful to you). I really hope you get your deserved positive result this time.

Anonymous said...

I worry all the time. I am currently on TP police. Lately AF has been showing up anywhere between CD 25 to 28? I wish she would make up her mind and pick a day.

Best wishes on your FET!

ICLW #20