Saturday, 8 October 2011

4dpBFN

I'm OK. I'm shocked actually about how OK I am. I had a cry Tuesday morning before heading in for my beta. Then I went to work and held it together because I had to.


I got mildly drunk after work on Thursday (bearing in mind Friday is my weekend) and ended up sobbing. But that might have been because I watched that Glee episode with Neil Patrick Harris and all the thwarted dreams. The final scene with the Les Miserable song had me pretty wrecked:


'I had a dream my life would be, so different from this hell I'm living'

Then I went to bed, and woke up with an acidic stomach and a headache. I had a fight with my husband over MTV and the washing up not being done. I stormed into the bedroom and read a few pages of Gone With the Wind. I calmed down, and life went on as normal.

So now we're taking a break until the new year and then who knows? I want to shop around and see if I can find a clinic that will do 5 day transfers.

I'm going back to the gym and hoping to lose weight. I have a new project at work. I have Christmas and lots of other things. I'm going to try not to think too much about fertility (or lack thereof) for a while. I fully suspect everyone will be pregnant by the time I come back in the new year!





7 comments:

JustHeather said...

*big hugs* Kat!!!
Most of that sounds like me and my life (minus the alcohol and Glee, just substitute another show).

Good luck on finding a new clinic. If this FET fails, we have one more IVF treatment at the public clinic and then we'd need to find a private one if we want to continue.. I don't look forward to that.

Not everyone will be pregnant, but it sure feels that way! Our 1 month summer break turned into almost 4 months. Some times it was ok and others it was hard to handle. *hugs* I'm here for you.

Cattiz J said...

I'm glad to hear you are alright. But it still sucks to start over again with a fresh cycle, Hope you find a clinic you are comfortable with. Hit the gym and try to focus on some other goals until next ivf rolls around. I know that helped me a lot.

Sara said...

I'm glad you're doing OK. BFN's are awful, and it's OK to be a bit off-kilter for a while, but it's also no fun, so I'm glad you're feeling normal. My clinic always did 3dt on me also, but that's because there were never very many embryos, so it just made sense to transfer all of the good ones.

Good luck with the break. I never wanted to take breaks, but they have always made me feel better by giving me a sense of perspective.

mommyodyssey said...

Glad to hear you're doing better.
Here's hoping the break does wonderful things for you guys!
xoxo

Bernadette & Duane said...

Hi there! Glad you are starting to pick up the pieces. Breaks do wonders, and hopefully you can look forward to a new start with a new clinic in a brand new year! For now, enjoy the time with your hubby, enjoy working out, and enjoy the holidays (and the fact that you can consume copious amounts of alcohol-- we have to find the silver lining somewhere, right?)

Heather said...

Sending hugs...
Looks like you had some good coping skills. TV therapy and reading therapy.
OK now what about retail therapy? ;)
Enjoy your Christmas and gyming..

mutemockingbird said...

Hugs! Hopefully the break will do you wonders and you will find a new clinic that is great and good things will happen in the new year!