Friday, 14 October 2011

Why Are We Doing This?

So FET one is well and truly over. AF has come and gone and I'm back into a natural cycle.

We decided before the FET that we would wait until the new year to try again but we have been discussing whether or not to. I know it seems strange but...

Before the ectopic we had been 'not avoiding' for two years. But we weren't really worried and we didn't go and see anyone because in all honesty we didn't have enough money to have a baby. Our work and lifestyle was a little unstable (though not in our current jobs) so even though it wasn't happening we didn't worry too much.

Then the ectopic happened and everything changed. Suddenly we were told that we couldn't have children, and it was the only thing I wanted. The interesting thing about it was that I was in the middle of the application for my current job, and if you had asked me before the ectopic what was the most important thing at the time, I would have said 'the job'.

Then, when I was told I couldn't have something, I wanted it desperately. Of course, being pregnant for a couple of weeks made me realise how much I wanted it as well.

So now we're nearly a year into various fertility treatment and I'm sick to death of it. I'm sick of the stress and the hope and the seemingly inevitable failure. In contrast at work I have a situation where I concentrate on something, I work hard, and I am 'successful' at it. I do know that this is a way of avoiding the pain of infertility and failure, but I really need some positivity at the moment. I can't keep moping around knowing that I seem to be the only one that it doesn't work for (after one fresh IVF cycle and one FET, yes, drama queen here.)

So for now, we're trying the old fashioned way. Personally I really want to actually get our sex life back, and I'm sure my husband will agree. We'll revisit treatments in the new year.


Tippy said...

Enjoy your break. It's important to regain the piece of you that you lose during treatments. We'll be here in the new year cheering you on but hoping that you will get your natural miracle before then.

China Doll said...

You have to do what's right for you, when it feels right. If taking a break and concentrating on work (plus getting back to a normal sex life!) feels like the right thing, then it is. xx

Anonymous said...

After our first ivf, and everything leading up to it really, I didn't realize at first how affected our sex life was. Until after when we slowly got it back. We needed that break although it was required from clinic so we didn't have a choice.

I think it's a very wise decision. And if you feel different in a month or so you can always look at your options again.

Kate said...

We are totally in the same place. After so many failures I needed to just take a break and be kind to my body. Both my husband and I have been going to acupuncture and just focusing on being healthy. After our first failed IVF i thought i would keep going until it worked. When #2 failed too everything changed. We are not really sure when we'll be ready to take the next step but in the mean time i'm feeling good and, most importantly, enjoying sex!

I hope you enjoy the break and you get knocked up the old fashioned way.

JustHeather said...

*big hugs* I understand the need to take a break and try to reconnect with your husband AND to make sex like it used to be and fun again! Enjoy this hopefully more relaxed time of (not really) trying.
If you're up for it, I hope you won't disappear. I like reading your posts. :)

Sara said...

That sounds like a really good decision. Enjoy the break!

Sushigirl said...

I know the feeling and it's a sucky one :(

I think a break might do you the world of good. I always kind of felt before a break that it was going to be more time slipping by, but then I really enjoyed time off when I took it. It helps get your life back into perspective, cos fertility treatments have a horrible way of making you feel your whole life is defined by your ropey innards!

Anonymous said...

I think you're making the right decision. You deserve a break from all of this craziness.