Sunday, 26 February 2012

Sanity vs the Internet

Thanks everyone for your best wishes on my previous post.

I feel very stressed this evening. It's my own fault; let me walk you through it.

It started innocently enough. I've been getting some cramping still in the uterus area plus on the left side. As the left side was the big ovary that's not surprising but I don't remember having this amount of cramping with my last fresh cycle. So I googled cramping after egg retrieval and crinone side effects also as I've been having the wonderful crinone discharge today.

Then, as I was already googling, I googled success rates of 5 day blastos. The interesting thing was that on one IVF calculator I was given a success rate of 20% per cycle, and another I was given a rate of 47% per cycle. I googled some more, and some more and... you get the idea.

I did this googling in theory to make me feel more confident. A 47% chance is pretty good after all. But of course there is the nagging voice telling me that of course I will be part of the 53% who it doesn't work for. Just as I was part of the 60% or so when my last two transfers failed.

So now I'm sitting here hoping that writing this post will take away some of my stress. Generally speaking I've been feeling quietly confident about this cycle, but at the same time I can't imagine ever getting two lines on a test. I feel like I'm destined always to have failed cycles. Tonight's googling didn't help.

On the plus side we didn't get called yesterday to say come in today for a 3 day transfer. What I'm scared about now is getting the call tomorrow saying not to bother coming in on Tuesday morning as all our embryos have arrested.

Also, if we get some to transfer, I'm worried that my Doc won't give me anything more than the progesterone for the 2WW to support the pregnancy. I know I could ask, but I have to believe that he knows best, but if I take nothing I think that I would worry the whole time.

If I'm like this now, imagine what the 2WW (or 10 day wait actually) is going to be like.


JustHeather said...

Aw, *big hugs* I wish I had some totally comforting words, but during our last cycle, I remember just going through it because it was our 3rd and final chance and something that had to be done, not that I believed it would work. I think at the end, I was just getting into a mind frame of acceptance of never being a mom.
Don't google any more and try to find yourself a better mind frame to go to. I know it isn't always easy, but we're here for you!

Sara said...

It's so hard to know what to make of numbers when you're in the 2WW. Really all that matters is which side you end up on in the end, but there is something about the numbers that is comforting and scary at the same time. Good luck!

knitting vixen said...

I know the feeling. I thought I was cursed and couldn't imagine those 2 pink lines.

Re- odds, my husband told me that the odds are cumulative, so if you have 30% chance from one go, you have a 90% chance of it working after 3.

I think progesterone is all you need- if this one doesn't work perhaps you can look into investigating implantation issues. I have my fc that you won't get to that stage. I have many IVF buddies for whom it was 3rd time lucky :-)